IT HAS NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITING
I am often asked how we can trust HaShem will support us if we may not de-serve His support? Can we anticipate His support if we do not deserve it? I think the answer lies in the first statement a Jew makes upon waking up every morning.
In this week’s Parsha, Vayeishev, Yehuda admits to being the one who was with Tamar, his daughter in-law. Our Sages point out that Yehuda was the first to admit in public, in spite of the embarrassment it brought. It is noteworthy that his name derives from the word “l’hodos’ to admit.
When Yehuda’s mother, Leah, gave birth to him she expressed her gratitude to HaShem and named him Yehuda which derives the word that means to thank, l’hodos.
If the word ‘to thank’ and the word ‘to admit’ are the same word, how can we know what is meant when we hear that word used? When someone is ‘modeh’ to someone else, is he thanking them or is he admitting to them?
To know which one it is, you simply look at the conjunction; that or for, as follows. I thank you for the wonderful meal. I admit that I owe you one hun-dred dollars. The verb in both of these sentences is identical; modeh. In the first sentence it is thanking for and the second sentence is admitting that.
This raises the question regarding the first statement we say upon waking up. “Modeh ani l’fonecha…sh’hechezarta bi nishmosi b’chemla” The classical translation reads “I give thanks be-fore You … that You returned my soul to me with compas-sion”. The implication of this statement is that I thank Ha-Shem for returning my soul.
However, given the rule we just established, the conjunc-tion ‘that’ indicates that Modeh in this sentence means to admit. The translation should therefore be “I admit before You …that You returned my soul to me with compassion”. The implication of this statement is that I admit that You re-turned my soul with compassion, with undeserved kindness. I am admitting that I do not deserve to have my soul re-turned to me and nevertheless You returned it to me. That is truly an incredible statement of gratitude. When we internalize the implication of those words, how could we be depressed? We were given a new lease on life as a gift!
Modeh ani concludes with two more words; ‘raba emunasecha’ which translates ‘much is Your trust.’ These final words capture the point of the statement. As if to say, now that I admit that I do not deserve another day of life but You still gave it to me, evidently, You are bestowing upon more than I deserve. There must be some great purpose for which my soul was returned. I hope to achieve that purpose and with HaShem’s help I will accomplish it. But in addition to recognizing that there must a great purpose in my life, I also become aware that I can count on HaShem sup-porting me. My question; how can I rely upon HaShem, perhaps I do not deserve His support, is no longer relevant. HaShem has already gone beyond what I deserve. Evidently He wants me to continue another day. He obviously anticipates something great with my continued living. Well, if that is the case, then I can certainly rely that He will support me in reaching my greatness.
Have a wonderful Shabbos and a beautiful Chanukah.
Paysach Diskind