PENETRATING THE BARRIER
The basic notion of teshuva is to break down the barrier, created by our sins, that separates us from HaShem. By successfully doing teshuvah we create an opening in that barrier and we are able to connect to Him as we were originally able to.
In Shir HaShirim, the Jewish people are depicted as being in a house protected from the outside rain and HaShem is outside wanting to come in from the downpour. HaShem knocks on the door calling out to His beloved people “Open up for Me, I want to come in. My head is soaking from the painful rain (referring to the tears of suffering Jewish people in exile)” The Midrash explains on this verse that HaShem is telling His people “If you open up an opening the size of an eye of a needle I will open up an opening large enough for wagons and trucks.”
This oft-quoted Chazal demonstrates how little teshuva we need to do relative to the size of the barrier we are trying to penetrate. The question is that while HaShem is extremely gracious nevertheless, His reciprocity seems totally disproportionate. Is there a way to understand it?
I had the good fortune to meet an old friend of mine who I had not seen for some time. He shared with me the passing of his wife half a year ago. They discovered she had advanced cancer and did not have much time left. The children came home to spend whatever time left she would have in this world. As the days moved along she became less and less communicative. Towards the very end when she could barely articulate anything she would nevertheless, mouth the words ‘I love you’ to the child that was with her. She did not actually say those words but it was clear that she was trying to say them.
My dear friend, Reb Yosef, told me that the joy that filled the children when Mommy said “I love you” was ecstatic.
At that point, Reb Yosef realized that perhaps this is why HaShem’s reaction is so disproportionate to our efforts. All we do is open the eye of a needle. We have everything stacked against us. The challenges of the yetzer hara with his tools of distractions and temptations can be overbearing. If we succeed at penetrating that barrier, even if it is only enough to get a thread through it, it is a great accomplishment. It demonstrates the great desire to connect to HaShem.
HaShem recognizes that effort and that desire. Just like my friend’s children, HaShem becomes so ecstatic to see us mouth those words that He breaks through that barrier so that wagons and trucks can go through. He wants to enter and come close to us.
I wish to dedicate this thought and the inspiration it offers as an iluy to Yehudis Shifra bas Dovid Zalman z’l. May HaShem grant Reb Yosef and his dear family much strength and nechama to continue moving forward.
May this Yom Kippur bring us to the moment when all the barriers separating us from HaShem will melt away.
Have a very wonderful Shabbos Shuva and a gmar chasima tova.
Paysach Diskind