The Zohar as well as many later Sages teach us that the path to achieving love of Hashem is through the fear of HaShem. (For the sake of clarity, the notion of fear that we must have for HaShem is not limited to the fear of punishment, which is certainly appropriate. It is primarily the awe that we have of HaShem. Similar to the awe that we have when meeting an extremely wise man. Or perhaps the awe that one would feel when meeting a president of the United States.) At first glance it seems to be counterintuitive since we associate fear/awe and love as
two opposites, however, upon delicate consideration we can discern how intertwined these
two relationships could be and actually should be.

The Torah instructs us “Love your neighbor as you love yourself”. The great Talmudic Sage, Hillel, explained this verse as follows. Do not do to your neighbor what you would not want done to yourself. It is strange why he explained this mitzvah in the negative form. Would it not be more expansive to describe it in the positive; give to your neighbor what you would like to be given to yourself? That would seem to place the mitzvah in its proper translation.

Give thought to the following notion. Is it possible to truly love someone and yet that person does not appreciate your love? As one travels through life this circumstance is encountered from time to time. How do we understand it?

Let us examine the starting point of love and contrast that with the starting point of fear. Love begins within me. Every person loves themselves and seeks ways to expand themselves and their positive feelings. When I discover a person who I identify as someone who will bring me joy and fulfillment, wisdom and inspiration I am attracted to them and I love them.

Fear and awe, on the other hand, originate from the other party. When I encounter someone whose presence is grand, I become very aware of them and restrain myself. When I recognize the other person’s presence my own interests are inhibited. I give that person consideration and limit my actions to conform with the other person’s rights and needs.

Love and fear are not necessarily intertwined because one can love based on the gain that they experience whether or not the other party shares that gain. It is conceivable to give to your neighbor the things that you would give to yourself because you love them, it makes you feel good, and nevertheless refuse to acknowledge their displeasure when your parties continue till midnight. That love does not originate from fear, it is independent of fear. Such love the Torah does not condone.

There is however, a love that originates from fear. When you recognize the other person’s presence and acknowledge their needs and desires. From that point you come to appreciate them and derive pleasure from their company. The love that follows fear is healthy love. This is the love HaShem expects from us.

The container which holds love is fear. As long as our love remains within the confines of the other person’s desires, our love is healthy. If more love is added, it will spill over the top and be wasted. HaShem was not interested in unwanted offerings. Although they were seeking spiritual growth but in was in conflict with what HaShem wanted from them. That love was fatal.

Have a wonderful Shabbos.

Paysach Diskind