DURABILITY
Excerpted from Rabbi Aaron Lopiansky’s talk.
As we have begun blowing the shofar every morning to prepare us for the great meeting with HaShem to take place on Rosh Hashanah, we would expect to find tips and direction in the Parsha on how to properly prepare ourselves. Naturally, our focus needs to be on bettering ourselves in matters that relate to our relationship with HaShem and with people.
One common issue that every person deals with is making good choices. So often we are presented with options where we tend to make a bad choice for no other reason than the attraction we have to that decision. At the time we have to make the decision we are blinded by the attraction of the bad choice and only later do we regret having made that decision. Is there a way to maintain a stronger clarity at the time of the decision so that we have the strength to over-come that blindness?
Our Parsha, Ki Seitzei, opens with the situation where a member of the Jewish army in the battlefield is blinded by his attraction to a woman of the enemy. The Torah, understanding the struggle of this soldier, offers him a pathway through which to deal with this attraction. The Torah tells him to take this woman into his home and there she should mourn her family for a month. She should not adorn herself during that time. If after that month of waiting, seeing her on a daily basis not well adorned, he still wishes to marry her, he may do so. If he is no longer attracted to her, he must let her go free. He must not subject her to slavery or any misuse.
What is the significance of a month waiting period?
We use a month waiting period in establishing if a baby is viable. For the initial 30 days after birth, the newborn’s status is tenuous. If the infant does not survive its initial 30 days we recognize that it was never viable and no shiva is observed. However, if the infant died after 30 days, shiva is observed. Anything that can survive a 30 day period is considered viable and the infant is therefore considered a viable person who passed away.
Perhaps the Torah is teaching us that if the soldier can see this woman for 30 days in a compromised state and he still remains attracted to her than his attraction is more than mere infatuation, it is substantial, it is durable, and he may there-fore marry her. Anything that can last 30 days indicates its durability and that it is a relationship of substance.
If we consider this notion the next time we encounter a choice where one option is very attractive, we can ask ourselves if this option will be attractive 30 days from now. If experience tells us that it will be short lived, we know that it is a pleasure of no substance. Once we gain that insight it will help dissipate the attraction and our strength to make the right choice will return.
All we need to ask ourselves is, does this attraction have any substance or not? Once we recognize the transient nature of the attraction it loses its power.
Have a wonderful Shabbos!
Paysach Diskind